but that voice inside your head is such a liar

some parts feels assured and reassuring, others… broken and disjointed.

some leave me afraid that I will not be able to build that up again, to hold myself tight, to see my dreams become our dreams, then, our reality.

I have moments of silent panic attacks, in my head, because: what am I doing. What am I doing wrong. Why am I still doubting myself, haven’t I finally figured it out?

but I haven’t. We all haven’t. We struggle with it, but we go on, for how much longer, I don’t know.

Never got what you want, never got it.

 

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the slow wonder

The difference between girls & boys:

You buy Allegra and Pop Tarts.

He tells you he’s having such a good time, he wants to stay away for a month longer.

You cry, you’re sad, you’re lonely. 

He loves you, but he doesn’t get what he said that made you so upset. 

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He lied about death 

The ups and the downs and the highs and the lows make me uneasy.

Though I guess the highs make you feel the ground at the bottom that much more. And the lows make you cling onto the highs somewhat desperately.

To be so happy one day and so near tears the next. The spectrum of human emotion – it’s real, it’s here, it’s in my blood.

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White Christmas

New Year

New Feels

New Breath

New Chances

Same Dreams

Fresh Starts

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timebomb 

hot and cold, shivering just the same.

heartbeat in my ears, working hard to keep in tune with your whims.

be still, be mine.

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same old love

but it’s like you don’t miss me at all, not even a little bit. 

Do you? 

The curve of that lingering question mark makes me think of folding my fingers into yours. 

I want to scream BE WITH ME and, instead, it comes out as a whispered ..stay..

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about wild plums 

It’s easy to love wild plums & the moon & the smell of freshly baked bread & the sky at twilight.

It’s harder to love imperfections, a wrinkle in someone’s personality, the shiver of a five o’clock shadow on your shoulder.

It’s hard to love, period. It’s harder to rebuild after loving, to pretend to forget that this is not how it used to be.

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